Notice of absence of duty.

For the first time in almost a year, I've cried. I refuse to go into detail but I just lost someone so close to me, that I've actually concidered suicide.

Because of this I fear I am not yet mentally stable enough, or "in a right mind" as some would say, to continue doing my Administrative duties. I shall be taking a 3 day "vacation" from doing anything admin related except for restarting the server if it crashes. I may be online but don't count on it.

While I am gone I am, effective immediately, assigning both Crystal, and EpicPacmaN the job of Administrator while I am gone. I have chosen these members due to them being my most trusted moderators. I am also assigning potatoguru as an Administrator as that is his rightful place anyway.

So, untill I return, Good luck.

That's just horrible! and... I KNOW it! I lost my sister (she killed herself too) 2 weeks before she was going to be 19 years old, I cry too much when I think of that... but... Virgil think like this: that person is in a much better place now (since your close friend probably had a hard life, and have suffered a lot) and I also know that you need to be brave to commit suicide, I've tried... 6 times, failed due to my lack of braveness (I'm not strong mentally)

I know how it is, it will take a long time to get over with it but... Rest in piece friend of Virgil.


Peace, my heart, let the time for the parting be sweet.
Let it not be a death but completeness.
Let love melt into memory and pain into songs.
Let the flight through the sky end in the folding of the wings over the nest.
Let the last touch of your hands be gentle like the flower of the night.
Stand still, O Beautiful End, for a moment, and say your last words in silence.
I bow to you and hold up my lamp to light you on your way.

My compassion, virgil.
We all know how does losing someone close feels, but literally lose someone must be horrible.
I wish you much strength and some calm days.

Virgil, cry, crying is natural, but at the same time , THINK OF THE FUTURE!
Live your dreams, your adventures, be brave, have an happy family, an happy life! Make other people happy, smile at your life...

Wixnarara wrote:Virgil, cry, crying is natural, but at the same time , THINK OF THE FUTURE!
Live your dreams, your adventures, be brave, have an happy family, an happy life! Make other people happy, smile at your life...

I suffer chronic depression and, from recent tests, have been proven to be mentally unstable. Look through my eyes for a day and understand how difficult all of those options are to achieve. I see everything different, I know that my life will end with me rotting in the ground, or being incinerated, I know that all the work I do, and happyness I try to achieve shall be pointless in the end. A happy family? I wish, I have no dad and my gran has tried to beat me before only to end up being kicked in the face (it was harsh, but it was also self defense). My efforts at making others happy succeed, only to end up with it all being thrown back in my face. While crying is natural for some, it isn't for me. Try living a happy life after watching one of your best friends commit suicide because YOU were the only one there for them and couldn't do enough to help them, try having half your friends die within a time span for 2 months for unknown reasons. Try nearly loosing your fiancee after she tries to make, and take, cyanide capsules and slits her wrists because she feels alone, because you have to constantly work your ass off to keep everything together. As I said, everything I do seems to be pointless. I just do it anyway and my dark "badass" attitude extends from that. But my humor and happyness also comes from the fact that the one person I love the most is still alive, and we're still together.

Regardless of my negative views I am still here, doing what I love doing the most. Its just sometimes I need a break so I can cool off, blow off some steam and relax.

virgil wrote:

Wixnarara wrote:Virgil, cry, crying is natural, but at the same time , THINK OF THE FUTURE!
Live your dreams, your adventures, be brave, have an happy family, an happy life! Make other people happy, smile at your life...

I suffer chronic depression and, from recent tests, have been proven to be mentally unstable. Look through my eyes for a day and understand how difficult all of those options are to achieve. I see everything different, I know that my life will end with me rotting in the ground, or being incinerated, I know that all the work I do, and happyness I try to achieve shall be pointless in the end. A happy family? I wish, I have no dad and my gran has tried to beat me before only to end up being kicked in the face (it was harsh, but it was also self defense). My efforts at making others happy succeed, only to end up with it all being thrown back in my face. While crying is natural for some, it isn't for me. Try living a happy life after watching one of your best friends commit suicide because YOU were the only one there for them and couldn't do enough to help them, try having half your friends die within a time span for 2 months for unknown reasons. Try nearly loosing your fiancee after she tries to make, and take, cyanide capsules and slits her wrists because she feels alone, because you have to constantly work your ass off to keep everything together. As I said, everything I do seems to be pointless. I just do it anyway and my dark "badass" attitude extends from that. But my humor and happyness also comes from the fact that the one person I love the most is still alive, and we're still together.

Regardless of my negative views I am still here, doing what I love doing the most. Its just sometimes I need a break so I can cool off, blow off some steam and relax.

Mate, just smile and think of the future, do not get stuck to the pass!

Wixnarara wrote:

virgil wrote:

Wixnarara wrote:Virgil, cry, crying is natural, but at the same time , THINK OF THE FUTURE!
Live your dreams, your adventures, be brave, have an happy family, an happy life! Make other people happy, smile at your life...

I suffer chronic depression and, from recent tests, have been proven to be mentally unstable. Look through my eyes for a day and understand how difficult all of those options are to achieve. I see everything different, I know that my life will end with me rotting in the ground, or being incinerated, I know that all the work I do, and happyness I try to achieve shall be pointless in the end. A happy family? I wish, I have no dad and my gran has tried to beat me before only to end up being kicked in the face (it was harsh, but it was also self defense). My efforts at making others happy succeed, only to end up with it all being thrown back in my face. While crying is natural for some, it isn't for me. Try living a happy life after watching one of your best friends commit suicide because YOU were the only one there for them and couldn't do enough to help them, try having half your friends die within a time span for 2 months for unknown reasons. Try nearly loosing your fiancee after she tries to make, and take, cyanide capsules and slits her wrists because she feels alone, because you have to constantly work your ass off to keep everything together. As I said, everything I do seems to be pointless. I just do it anyway and my dark "badass" attitude extends from that. But my humor and happyness also comes from the fact that the one person I love the most is still alive, and we're still together.

Regardless of my negative views I am still here, doing what I love doing the most. Its just sometimes I need a break so I can cool off, blow off some steam and relax.

Mate, just smile and think of the future, do not get stuck to the pass!

I only smile when I'm with my fiance, its the only time I ever get the urge, need, or desire to even think about smiling. The rest of the time my smiles end up with tears (not the good kind). Read the paragraph I posted and you will understand why. 'Nuff said.

Wix...

Would it be easy to you to smile if your BEST friend killed herself in front of YOUR eyes 2 months ago? well I wouldn't be able to smile because of that, I'd be very depressed a long time, and wondering what I could do to save that person.
if just people could care...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOsXBkrQ-Xo

This is a good song about this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pe-Eosmk6oE

and then this, can also be good. I get more happy when I listen to him, his songs makes sence.

virgil wrote:I only smile when I'm with my fiance, its the only time I ever get the urge, need, or desire to even think about smiling. The rest of the time my smiles end up with tears (not the good kind). Read the paragraph I posted and you will understand why. 'Nuff said.

Listen man, I was resisting to post in this tread because I'm sure I don't understand how you feel, but nonetheless you have to remember something, please don't take this the wrong way, the decision to commit suicide is made by the person him-herself, you say you could have help, but even if you did, your friend had the final decision. Maybe, just maybe with a lil' more support this could have been avoided or maybe not.

Reading that your fiance makes you smile made me feel like.."wow this guy must really love her " and hey that is fucking great, you say you are unestable mentally and that you see things differently, you see 'em like I do in a super realistic and focused way (as far as I can tell, I might be wrong), You are who you are man If it makes you happy and smile being with your fiance then work for that, focus on that, focus on achieving something more with her, Is work really hard? does it takes a lot of time? remember why you do it.

But I can only try to give an advise, remember you have the Final Call.
(I apologise in advance if this post offended you in any way )

wow you must have a pretty horrible life seeing what u writing.
its good that u have atleast 1 person who u can love and keep close to u
spending time with that person and being happy with that person.
but think possitive there would be always some1 who u can go to when ur down
if it is ur fiancee or a friend who u just met.
if u think ur alone look around you theres like 100 mil more people that u can count on.
and why would what u do be pointless?
its like u want to give up on life which u should NEVER do
i know its hard to accept it that some1 close to u dies but for every negative thing there is a possitive thing
like every death is 1.5 birth so when there are 20 death there will be 30 born
i wont be able to know how it feels to lose some1 close to u that well as u do since i only lost my grandma, dog and very nice dadlike person
like i read in other posts u gotta forget about the past and life in the future u can cry/be sad about the lose of someone but that wont make it better
its the best if u just forget about the people that you lost and life with the friends u still have

i dont know if this is helping u or making u feel even worse but i personally hope that ur life will become happier and that u wont only smile when ur with ur fiancee but that u smile almost 24/7(maybe abit to much but better then only with a certain person cus u should also smile when ur not with that person)

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you're never living twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are

So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothing stand in your way
'Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?

Amazing music, think about it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pe-Eosmk6oE